How to combat pornography.

I recently went to a forum for women where this topic was addressed. This discussion was led by an ecclesiastical leader(Bishop from a Christian Church) who has frequent conversations with active church-going men who want to fight their addictions. I won't discuss the impact this has on women, but I will list some of the facts/signs he mentioned and ways he's learned to combat this horrible addiction that has stunted the maturity growth of many men.

Facts and Signs:
A: Newsweek (Dec 2011) has an article discussing the impact this has on America.
B: 1 out of 2 church-going men in America have a problem with pornography.
C: Most men have been introduced to pornography between the ages of 8-18.
D: 2 Entry Portals to this addiction (meaning where a person comes across it and then starts viewing on a more frequent basis): 1- Google Images, 2- YouTube
E: Most viewing happens between the hours of 10pm-3am
F: Most viewers do it behind locked-doors because they feel shame.
G: Viewers of pornography feel shame. Which leads to hiding this behavior.
H: Pornography is a portal which leads to infidelity. Alma 31:30
I: B.L.A.S.T. This acronym helps us remember the 5 emotions that causes someone to turn to pornography. (Bored, Lonely, Angry, Stressed, Tired)
J: Being viewed on computers, Ipads, and Smartphones.
K: Women don't tend to view pornography through visual means, but read it through romance novels. This has risen immensely in the last few years, since in the past there was shame attached to buying a book at the store. But now...
L: E-Reader book purchases has increased a great deal. 40% of all e-reader books are romance novels. Now the shame isn't as strong because nobody knows they are purchasing the book..it goes straight to their Kindle, etc.



Ways to Combat Pornography:
1-
"Crash and Tell"-
When something pops on your screen, stop it as quickly as possible. Crash your computer and tell someone.
http://www.lds.org/friend/2011/06/crash-and-tell?lang=eng

2-
Pornography can become a habit.
So understand the process of a habit by reading, "Power of a Habit".
http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Business-ebook/dp/B0055PGUYU
There are 3 elements: Cue, Action, Reward. Actual viewing of pornography is the 'Action', so fight the Cue's and Reward's. Meaning, where do you or your loved one start viewing it? on your computer at home? (Then put it in a public place) Is it when you're bored? (Then have pre-established things you will do when this temptation comes about)

3- Check "History" on your computers.
This is a great approach when you are talking with your children about not participating in pornography. Let them know you will be checking the history on their computer. If this is ever deleted, you will know there is a problem and they are hiding something.

4- Put computers in "Public Places" where there is a lot of traffic in the home.
Do not keep computers in the bedrooms.

5- Have a sponsor
Someone who wants to fight this addiction should report back to a sponsor on their progress. This particular ecclesiastical leader has found that a father is a great person to get involved if they want to help and understand the negative impacts pornography has on a person. (We won't get into attitude right now from people who believe this in a natural behavior. Based on this post alone, this is not our belief). So a sponsor could be your ecclesiastical leader(Pastor, Bishop, etc.), Father, or Friend.

6- Tell within 24 hours
Someone who wants to break this addiction-cycle should tell their sponsor within 24 hours. The belief of this leader is that we need to bring this problem to the light. Talk about it. Tell someone. Most men who view this go 'underground', as this Bishop said. They don't talk about it and view it more frequently when they think they are judged. So telling can mean by email, phone, or text.

7- Have an "Accountability Loop"
A person wanting to fight this addiction needs to be accountable to someone if they fall back into their old ways. This helps them keep moving forward to breaking this habit. A sponsor...and a filter (see the next item)

8- Use a filter.
This Bishop has found that "CovenantEyes" is the best one he's found.
http://www.covenanteyes.com/
This sends a weekly email to a persons sponsor on their viewing history on their computer. It helps them monitor what they're seeing and be accountable to someone. The filter categorizes the sights being viewed and protects the sponsor from viewing these...(99% of the time) This Bishop mentioned he's only accidentally viewed one sight in the last year due to the filter not recognizing it. He immediately "Crash and Told" his wife. This Bishop recognizes that he too is at risk and has his accountability loop in place to help him as well. He discusses this openly with his wife and children. Facebook is listed as 'Moderate Risk' and Youtube is listed as 'Mature'

9- Use Work Computers instead of personal.
This Bishop said that a person rarely if ever will view pornography at work or on their work computer. Most companies these days won't tolerate pornography. If they find something on their computer, they could lose their job. This usually is enough for someone who struggles with this addiction to find other ways to view it. So a great suggestion is for someone to get rid of their personal computer and only use their work computer at home.

10-Don't Shame a person.
If you know someone who struggles with this, don't shame them for this behavior. If a child comes to you and tells you they viewed something, thank them for being open and have a discussion. Don't freak out. This causes that person to not want to tell you in the future. And the problem grows.

11- Be a "Champion of Modesty".
Help men and women respect their bodies by being modest. Pornography degrades a woman's body in so many ways. Not only physically but emotionally. A woman feels like she can't live up to images a man views which draws you further away from each other in a relationship than together. A woman can never be good enough knowing her partner participates and views pornographic materials. It causes distrust in a relationship. And we can go on and on with the impact it has. So "Champion Modesty" by showing the importance of the real human body with all it's flaws and beauty. This is the beauty that should be celebrated. Realness.

12- School thumb-drives.
This Bishop has found that pornography can come home through thumb-drives when children are working together with peers on assignments. Screen thumb-drives when they come into your home. This will prevent anyone from having to view this.

13- Ask if someone's been involved in pornography.
We are living in a time where we need open discussions with our spouses, children, and friends. Don't be afraid to ask your children if they have viewed pornography or have stumbled upon it accidentally. Don't be afraid to have an open discuss with your spouse. Don't be afraid to ask someone you are datingif they have or have had a problem with pornography. There are 3 types of responses to this question, says this Bishop.

* "I hope I don't have a problem. I have seen it when I was younger and can count on one hand where I have seen it".
(Healthy Attitude and Open to Discuss)

* "I'm afraid I might be. I used to all the time. I've worked with my Bishop and a Therapist. I haven't recently."
(Honest. The longer they can put between when they have viewed it, the more hope the girl feels in fighting this behavior)

* "No- Of course not! You don't trust me?..."
(defensive. Not open. Feeling guilty. This person will also have the tendency to blame their significant other to justify viewing it or telling you that certain stuff is not that bad when you feel uncomfortable).


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Red Flags and Behaviors to be aware of if you're wondering if someone has a problem
1- Do they lock the door?
2- Do they keep the screen turned away from public viewing?
3- Is History erased on computer?
4- Are you embarrassed by a site this persons viewing? (Trust your instincts. A person struggling with this has most likely seen worse stuff and become desensitized to normal inappropriate content.)
5- Is this person justifying content? Saying it's not that bad? Rule of thumb: "If your partner/spouse/companion/father/mother/friend is uncomfortable with something, then it shouldn't be viewed or participated in." This is true respect. Drawing the line at the most sensitive soul. Children should always be first priority when viewing or participating in something. If you are viewing content on the computer and a child walks up to the screen, is it appropriate? Then most likely, you shouldn't be viewing it yourself.