What a beautifully written piece! It clarifies maturity from the lack of maturity (or adolescence). One expects adolescent behaviors and attitudes from an adolescent, but when they exist in an adult, there's cause for concern...
"For the negative physical consequences of adolescence as a cultural norm, consider the body-sculpting, porn and plastic surgery industries.
"For the more pernicious negative intellectual and political consequences, consider the universities..."
http://www.nationalpost.com/todays-paper/story.html?id=2098348&p=2
Tuesday
Video games disrespect women and lead some down the wrong path...
One persons story of how video games and TV led to the addiction of pornography.
Friday
Wednesday
Study: Negative impact from Video Games!
"In a study published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence, BYU undergrad Alexander C. Jensen (’09) and family life assistant professor Laura P. Walker show that as the time young adults spend playing video games increases, the quality of their relationships with peers and parents tends to decrease.
For the study, 813 college-aged adults from around the country reported how often they play video games. They also answered questions about the time, trust, support, and affection they share with friends and family. Besides revealing a modest association between video games and relationship quality, the survey data raise questions about other aspects of young adults’ lives.
“The most striking part is that everything we found clustered around video-game use is negative,” says Walker. Statistical analyses suggest that the more time young adults spend playing video games, the more frequent their involvement in risky behaviors like drinking and drug abuse. And for young women, self-worth tends to decrease as video-game time increases.
The data also reveal gender trends: nearly three-fourths of men in the study played video games at least a few times a week. By comparison only 17 percent of their female counterparts played more than once a month.
“The gender imbalance begs the question of whether chasing a new high score beats spending quality time with a girlfriend or wife,” Jensen says.
The new study stems from Project READY, a collaborative effort by scholars at several universities across the nation to better understand the attitudes and behaviors of young people. Project READY is spearheaded by Walker and BYU family life professors Larry J. Nelson (MS ’96) and Jason S. Carroll (BS ’96), who are also coauthors on the study."
Thursday
News Article: Boys 2 Men
Deseret News
August 13, 2009
"Boys 2 Men" is a great example of how boys were faced with a serious and mature topic then made positive choices that impacted a good friend and has changed them forever...
Wednesday
Activities that can stunt Maturity
The following are areas where research has shown stunting, stopping, and digression of maturity if repeated frequently and/or not changed. Some are addictive and more harm can come of it than good if your child participates in it even once...so be prudent with the time you and your children spend on these.
Video Games (definition)
Gaming (definition)
Pornography
Isolation
Lack of Social Interaction
Avoidance of Commitment
Selfishness
Lack of Discipline
Lack of Experience in Relationships
Excessive Television/Movies
Online Chat Rooms (definition)
A lot of these are intertwined. For example, when one is engaged in video games typically they are not socially active and gaining the necessary personal skills needed for a relationship. This can contribute to why a 30 year old man can feel very insecure and fearful around women due to lack of confidence and experience.
A longer list with references will be presented on a later discussion. Here is a discourse by Elder Bednar from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints that talked about a few of these topics and the impact it has.
Monday
Positive Role Models
It's important for your son to see men who treat women well. This means, helping the women in the house with household tasks, doing the dishes, complimenting, laughing together, and even appropriate disagreements are healthy in front of children.
If your son does not have a healthy role model as a father, find another man (uncle, grandfather, neighbor, etc.) that will show him these things and then help him understand the importance of treating others with respect.
Your son will soon mimic the male role models in his life.
It's important to teach him to...
Respect women's ideas and thoughts and they should respect his in return.
Respect women's giving nature by showing appreciation and verbally showing gratitude.
Respect women's bodies by appreciating their natural beauty without enhancements. It's also important to point out the desensitizing nature of someone's perspective when they view pornography. This tends to warp the man's perspective of reality and intimacy and open doors of insecurity, feeling under-appreciated, and creates an intangible comparison for women.
That's enough for now on that topic...more will come later! :)
Wednesday
Instill Confidence!
"Praise your child for his effort and hard work and watch him succeed!" - Dr. Dweck, Mindset, see article discussing her work.
Everyone should read Dr. Dweck's book on proper praising. She talks about 2 different approaches and mindsets. We need to view ourselves with an "Effort" mindset. Meaning, with effort and hard work we can learn, grow, and become better at anything. Praise is such a confidence builder.
-------------------------------------------------
Ability= fixed mindset, believing your qualities are carved in stone, you have a certain amount of intelligence, a certain personality.
Effort=growth mindset, belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts, everyone can grow and change in their talents through experience and effort.
Here's a link about a section I LOVED!! There was a study done with children on the different approaches. Bottom line...praise your child with phrases like; "Good Job!" "Great Work" "You're such a hard worker" "Keep trying, I know you can get it" "Great job on your A-, you must have worked really hard!"
Keep in mind, everytime you criticize it takes 7 positive comments to overpower the 1 bad. So don't criticize, be positive and he will have happy memories of growing up and you will instill confidence...because WE NEED CONFIDENT MEN!
http://www.cafemom.com/group/97708/forums/read/8325004/Research_Results_on_Praising_Children
Saturday
Help your child be a Decision Maker!
Allow your son to be a part of making decisions when he is young. Make a point to get together as a family to make decisions impacting everyone.
First, present a decision to everyone that needs to be made (ie. Should we buy a new TV since the last one was broken?)
Second, help your children understand how you make a decision (go through the pros and cons of each choice. You could even write it down on a piece of paper which helps everyone see the two options. You could list how much it will cost, other things you need that might be more important, discuss the amount of money you have to spend on the TV, etc.)
Third, discuss what it means to get a TV and if everyone's willing to follow the rules (No playing ball in the TV Room. TV can only be watched for a certain amount of time, etc.)
Fourth, ask your children's opinion (Go around and have everyone voice their thoughts on buying a TV and which one they would like and why).
At the end of the family discussion a decision should be reached. Even if it's deciding to go to the store and look at the options before making a final decision. Then, coming back together to discuss before a final decision is made. It's important to make a decision and act on it to demonstrate the importance of making things happen in their lives instead of waiting for things to happen to them or feeling crippled by decisions in the future.
This process helps your son (and daughters) to understand the process of making a decision. As children get older, they should have gone through this process many times with the family and by themselves in order to make bigger decisions in their lives (ie. job, moving, school, marriage, relationships, etc.).
Monday
Teach your son about taking on Responsibilites!
Teach him how to work hard.
Give him small daily/weekly tasks (chores) for him to complete. This will help him understand the meaning of having responsibilities. Be consistent about encouraging him to complete his chores. Clearly set out consequences for him if he doesn't complete them. This could be an earlier bed time, eliminating something that he enjoys for the day, etc.
It's important to expect the same of your son as you do your daughter.
Does your daughter clean her room? So should your son.
Does your daughter help cook dinner? Your son should help with dinner in some way as well.
Does your daughter help clean up after dinner? So should your son.
Cleaning the house. Yep!
Checking in when they get home. Yep!
Required to eat her vegetables. Yep, him too.
Clean language for her? He should be no exception.
Do well in school?
Respect the teacher?
Get an education?
Go to college?
Move out of the house at a certain age?
Get a job? YES! This will help your son in more ways than you'll ever know, especially if he's grown up in a family with excess. This will help him learn the meaning of a dollar and...Responsibility, being on time, respecting his boss, humble because he is probably doing mundane work, etc.
Wednesday
What is maturity?
A recent commentary threw out the question of whether older men are more mature. Here are a few of the answers...
"A Mature Man is someone who can appreciate and love a woman without wishing her to be different. A Mature Man acknowledges beauty all around while recognizing the importance of respecting women in thought and action. A Mature Man has developed himself emotionally, physically, mentally, socially, and temporally in order to benefit society instead of being a burden."
"... A truely mature man at any age knows his limitations and acts and lives within them. There are many younger men who are mature beyond their years while there are many older men who never seem to grow up."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
